Thursday, May 19, 2011

Not Your Average Threesome

A pick up from the airport, a romantic picnic, an overindulgent amount of wine, snuggling and long walks along romantic European beaches are just a few things that made my threesome this weekend better than yours. I got to snag these two hot blonde chicks from the Porto airport last Friday. They were looking fierce and fashionable, just the way they knew I liked it.
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Now Blondie #1 (let's call her Tushy or her Native American name... Princess Fall-down-stairs-and-accidentally-show-my-vagina-to-everyone-in-the-restaurant) I had not seen in some time. But it was as if we hadn't skipped a beat. Blondie #2 (we can call her Tits or Chief I-dont-snore-but-when-I-fall-asleep-I-happen-to-make-a-sound-that-closely-resembles-snoring-but-it-is-NOT-snoring) was sassy as ever and ready to party the minute she stepped off of her rickety Ryanair flight. Unfortunately after picking 1 and 2 up from the airport, I had to find myself back at work for 8 hours until I could rendez-vous with the rubias. Now I knew Tushy and Tits had a great sense of adventure, so I had no problem sending them off on their way to explore the unknown Porto.

As I assumed, they would make it to a quarter of the places I told them about, forget the map I gave them, sit at a restaurant and down wine for half the day, then write on a napkin a list of ridiculous, but hilarious questions they needed to ask me when I returned from my big girl job that day (the napkin is now hanging next to my mirror).

As I arrived back from work, I found my kitchen completely stocked with booze and munchies for a fabulous picnic in Praca de Republica. A sunset dinner in a classy park with two girls that scream AMERICAN could not have brought us more attention as the crackheads of Porto decided they wanted to practice their english with us. Good thing we had my Egyptian prince, Ahmed, to protect us (we can use his real name because he didnt do anything embarrassing, except lock himself out of his new apartment).
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The night carried on and we found ourselves with one more American, we will call him shmAdam, who was throwing a party that evening. With wine, tequila and an outnumbering amount of latins, we discovered ourselves at an Portuguese lounge where I found myself cornered by Pato, a small Argentine guy (boy), Daniela's friend from home. He was half the size of me and tells me he wanted to take me lingerie shopping the next day, while he kept incessantly kissing me on the cheek like we were 5 years old again.

'I have a boyfriend, stop kissing my cheek'

'Its ok, I have a girlfriend but she's in Argentina... (wink)'

'Well, I love my boyfriend' '

I love my girlfriend...'

'You're half the size of me'

And even that didn't stop the 5 ft 4 persistent, little guy....

Moral of the story:
  **Never trust a Latin guy
***Little latin men like to date girls bigger than them 

And leave it up to Tush and Tits to instead of help me, laugh at the situation and let me suffer for their entertainment. This is when I remembered that some things never change when the three of us are together. Left a little hungover the next day, coffee and beach were our only to-do's for the day. American shmAdam joined us and we enjoyed the fabulous weather and (warm-as-hell) ocean on the northern Portuguese coastline (Jealous, huh). The four of us later enjoyed drinks on the river and an intimate dinner at Casal with native Fado music.
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Now this is where Tushy was blessed with her Native American name....

Looking grand as always, Tushy was wearing a fabulous and flattering H&M striped dress... short and sexy (see above). As we walked down the stairs from the restaurant (a few drinks in), Tushy misses a couple of stairs and falls right on her 'tushy', giving the whole floor level of the restaurant a decent peek up her dress. Witnessing it all, I had never seen someone get up so fast. Face red and walking fast, Tushy then tells me as we exit the building that she has no undergarments under her dress... HELLO... And THIS is when we knew Tushy and Tits would leave Porto with a bang.

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Merely 48 hours of bliss with my two blonde ladies passed by all too fast. On Sunday, we walked around Porto to the best views and enjoyed the day before I had to send them off to Madrid. :( All in all, a great weekend filled with wine, sun, laughs and vagina power.

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